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bobsnephew
GP81
Registered: 06-2003
Location: Bob's sister's son's house
Posts: 19
Karma: 0 (+0/-0)
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Re: bouquets and brickbats
quote: I nearly popped a colostomy bag reading one of his diatribes.
Why do you keep a bag of colostom ?Is it to feed new born calves that are born in your institution?
quote: MarkDay, My salaams to your long suffering wife.
What makes you think Mark's wife would want your old german sausage
quote: ghz, ole!
Which letter did you miss out, M or D
quote: Bobsnephew, ah the impetuosity of youth
Who are you to judge my age,AND HOW DO YOU KNOW ABOUT MY LITTLE PROBLEM??????????
Last edited by MarkDay, 31/1/2004, 11:50
--- Bobs my uncle not yours
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30/1/2004, 10:01
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farmerjoe
EX93
Registered: 12-2003
Location: Warwick, Qld
Posts: 424
Karma: 5 (+5/-0)
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Re: bouquets and brickbats
first of all, welcome to all the new members. and bob's nephew, grow up i think, that ur last quote wasn't quite as funny as you planned it to be.
(sorry i like it strait to the point, there are times for funny and there are times for not funny i think this is a not funny one)
Last edited by farmerjoe, 30/1/2004, 12:31
--- Aunty Anna you're an absolute peach!
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30/1/2004, 12:27
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MarkDay
Head Administrator
Registered: 06-2003
Location: North Yorkshire
Posts: 3653
Karma: 31 (+33/-2)
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Re: bouquets and brickbats
Bobsnephew's last quote removed
--- Bickleygate holsteins
"I have not failed 1000 times, I have discovered a 1000 ways that do not work"-Thomas Edison
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31/1/2004, 11:52
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mckeague
Ex 97 2E
Registered: 06-2003
Posts: 1628
Karma: 14 (+14/-0)
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Re: bouquets and brickbats
Canuk, horrable should be horrible and possable should be possible!!! No need to thank me, i am here to help!!! Any chance you could get fifer to do a piece a week, i nearly dropped an 'O' ring this morning!!!! (Anyone who owned an old zetor tractor may know what I mean!!)
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2/2/2004, 12:22
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MarkDay
Head Administrator
Registered: 06-2003
Location: North Yorkshire
Posts: 3653
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Re: bouquets and brickbats
I'm begining to think Fifer may be ....er...what's the expression.........erm..oh yes "one hit wally"
--- Bickleygate holsteins
"I have not failed 1000 times, I have discovered a 1000 ways that do not work"-Thomas Edison
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2/2/2004, 14:45
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alan a
Ex97 Addict!
Registered: 06-2003
Location: Fermanagh
Posts: 1149
Karma: 28 (+28/-0)
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Re: bouquets and brickbats
leave him alone, he was nice to me, which is a novelty in my line of work. :devil
--- Alan Armstrong
Semex Ni Area manager
Part owner in a few cows and calves (details and contracts on request)
Also test a few bulls of our own (all orders accepted)
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2/2/2004, 15:10
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fifer
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Registered: 01-2004
Posts: 10
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Re: bouquets and brickbats
broa, my crack about Scandinavians was out of line, I apologise. As regards your Freak Show post, my grandson tells me one of the freakiest occurrences in his herd was the daughter of a bull called Broker that actually milked! He regards it as even freakier than her twin sister who rubbed up against a picket fence and self combusted!
bob, could you ask your sister if her sons rabies shots are up to date, he appears to be foaming at the mouth and I fear Stephen Dalton may have bitten him. (I am quite sure he has bitten CHARITY.)
bobsnephew, bites aside, you have a flare for the riposte sir and I had a good chuckle at your replies. You will be pleased to know (I hope) that I no longer have to wear the colostomy bag. It was a three month long inconvenience while I was recovering from a bowel operation. I am told that they had to remove a portion of my intestines. This has had an embarrassing side effect, possibly as a result of my intake and outlet being closer together, I now break wind with such force I am lifted onto my toes, while my ribs spread like Venetian blinds (rather confounds the theory about barrel length and muzzle velocity doesnt it?) To add insult to injury I no longer have prior warning of impending ventilation. Just last weekend the local vicar popped in for a visit, I was about to shake his hand when I dropped the mother of all depths charges and head butted the poor man into oblivion instead. I knew I shouldnt have had that second helping of Bubble and Squeak for lunch.
buckeyebreeder, you talk about evil cows, the black and white breed has nothing on the Ayrshire. I dont know what they are like today but when I was a young un (pre WW2) they were deadly. We had just four Ayrshires, they stood the last two cows either side of the shed. It was my job to put the hobbles on the kickers. All the Ayrshires kicked, the most vicious of them was a cow named Clutch. As you possibly know the hobbling operation requires boldness and purpose of spirit, (especially for a light weight young boy) shoving either the head or shoulder deep into the flank and slipping the hobbles over the hocks and pulling up the slack, but not too tight or the cow might thrash and capsize. One particular morning just after Clutch had calved, she was being particularly obstreperous and I was showing a distinct lack of courage to put the chains on. My frustrated father snatched them from me and said he would show me how it was done. Clutch kicked him between the eyes and sent him flying across the byre into the opposite gutter, straight under the other Ayrshires feet. The four cows proceeded to serve and volley the pater with all the gusto of a doubles final at Wimbledon. When he finally rolled out of play he thrashed Clutch for fifteen minutes with a surcingle. She was unplayable after that and ended up a suckler cow.
farmerjoe, I am starting to suspect you are the Forrest Gump of Cowtalk. I have grave doubts about your heifers ability to learn to herd (I take it she has not been genetically modified and there is no Quarter Horse or Border Collie DNA in her), boss cows will lead a herd, perhaps Laura has the temperament to grow into one. One of my brothers farmed in Kenya after the war and had an African Grey parrot that fetched the cows, perfectly mimicking the herders whistle, it would ride home on the last cows back. Poor bird also had a taste for hard liquor, and would steal a sip from any unguarded glass, one Sunday afternoon a bit under the weather it mistook migrating antelope for the cow herd and was last seen whistling Kumbaya, perched on a Wildebeests back disappearing into the Serengeti. They live an awfully long time, perhaps it is still there now trying to herd the wild creatures home.
foxleigh, I could tell you many stories, but after reading Cowtalk I have decided I know more about shovelling out the shed than the fine art of breeding cows.
old maid, alas my dear, though we were precocious in our valley, in 1936 I was just too young to be the cad who dropped you for another. There was a Dick Fifer in the next village who was a bit of a lad, a sneaky kind of fellow, he was more of a fence creeper than a fence jumper. He came to no good and the last I heard he was a sire analyst in New Zealand. old maid, I am worried by your user name that you have done a Mrs Haversham on us. I know a nice but confused young bloke who cant tell his salami from his bratwurst. Perhaps you could take him in hand, as it were, he goes by the name of bobsnephew . . .
will maxwell, still entombed, still in despair, dont go postal on us Will.
Will Richardson, thank you for enlightening me about the Sex Pistols (I thought they were a prosthetic) and including the photograph. Which punk are you?
HB
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4/2/2004, 6:18
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mckeague
Ex 97 2E
Registered: 06-2003
Posts: 1628
Karma: 14 (+14/-0)
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Re: bouquets and brickbats
THe one hit wally has come back for another swipe, if i am as eager at his age i'll be thankful!!!
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4/2/2004, 10:11
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